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Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Really, I'm gonna try to do this more!

Ok, so I'm sure that some of you noticed that I never continued with my story. Well, it's long and drawn out and a conclusion has come of it, so at this point, I see no reason to try to put it all into words.

Long story short, we were not gonna work things out, then it was "whatever happens, happens". Some other things happened that really caused me to reevaluate everything. And even though, I knew and do know, that he is not what I need in my life, I was willing to try.

Apparently, he was not. Chris called me about a week and a half ago and said we needed to just go ahead and get divorce. Like right now. This after he and I decided in the beginning of all this that we could stay legally married because I do not have the option of health insurance at my job. Well, that's kind of a moot point, since, well, he was fired. But, he was paying for Cobra and supposedly going to get that job back. In my opinion that is never going to happen, but that's neither here nor there. It's no longer my problem. The next girl can deal with that and all the other problems that come along with Chris.

He wants this life that I do not want and cannot give him. I'm done with spending all of my time going out to the bars with friends (basically, they are beer buddies) every single night and acting like I have no responsibilities. I don't have anything to prove to anyone and I am lucky to have friends that could care less where I work, what I drive, how much money I have or anything else for that matter. And, through all of this, I have gained 3 more of those friends. So, I've filed for divorce. It wasn't easy, I spent almost all of that night after signing the complaint crying. But, it's done. It's the beginning of a new part of my life, just one more chapter of my story. I know when I sign the actual papers and I have to go to the court to have the final divorce decree, I will probably cry. Because, it's sad. Sad that he doesn't see the person he's become. But, I can't change that, and I am done trying.

I'm moving on. If I hadn't me Chris, I wouldn't have Alyssa. I wouldn't have his family, who, by the way, I do and will continue to have a relationship with. I wouldn't have the 3 new friends that I have. Friends that continuously listen to me bitch and cry about all of this and when all is said and done, will always be there.

20 comments:

SJ said...

I'm so sorry Rachel that it came down to this, but you did just what you needed to do - you tried. And you've accepted the fact that nothing is going to change.

Things are about you now, and you have to take care of yourself. It'll be hard yes, but you can do it.

And you can add me to that list of 3 friends making it 4. I'm here for you.

Ashley said...

I'm sorry to hear it. You did everything you can but it takes two to make it work. Take care of yourself and your precious girls. Hope I get to see you soon!

BS said...

I am so sorry to hear this, but as a divorced woman - life goes on and sometimes it's for the better. (January 09 it will be 20 years and my life is so much better without him)

southernintherockies said...

Sending you happy thoughts! This time next week I'll be there. : ) We'll make it through.

katie said...

I'm sorry its turning out this way, but you know....you have several friends who have been through a divorce and I know many of us (ME INCLUDED AND LEADING THE WAY) will tell you that it gets better. Everything *does* happen for a reason, even though you may not know the reason now. You will be better for all of this!
Love you lots!!! xoxoxo

Sherry said...

So sorry about the divorce but now you can move on with out any false hope, any more let downs and just be YOU!! Through the blog I know what a fantastic person you are so I do know you will be aok and no doubt much better off.
I don't care where you work, how much money you make , what you have etc, because it's not about material things. It's the heart of a person that counts and Rachel you are all heart!!!! Be proud of yourself and yes cry because tears cleanse the soul, then move on. You have alot of blogging friends too and we all know how good of a person you are.
Again I am sorry for what you are going through but look like you said you have Alyssa !!!!!

Isabel said...

Oh man...good luck.

That Chick Over There said...

Rachel, you are wonderful and you deserve to have a wonderful life.

I know how hard it is. Oh boy, do I. And I know there will be more tears. But honey, your life begins now. And it's going to be fabulous.

You can add me to your list of friends too. XOXO!

CPA Mom said...

well, you didn't gain me as a friend through the divorce but because of the fabulous woman that you are. This was a huge step and I'm proud of you for putting you and the girls first. ((HUGS)) to you!

Me said...

I love you and you will ALWAYS HAVE MY SUPPORT!! Im happy to have lost Chris in my life, TO have Gained such a Wonderful Friend as you. I WILL Always Love You Girl.

Bethany said...

I'm sorry you are going through this. If you ever need another ear to whine into, you have my number.

No shit, my word verification word is "wined"!!!

phonemom said...

So sorry to hear that it is working out this way. But the important thing is that you tried and that it's not going to drag on for the next years while trying to make a decision.

Take care of yourself and your girls. And if you ever need more friends, I'm here for you too.

Kelly said...

Rachel, I'm so sorry you are going through this, especially this time of year. But repeating what everyone else said, YOU will be SO MUCH better off. Of course it will be hard, of course you will cry and be sad, but then again you are HUMAN and it is ok, it's all part of the healing process. Like you said, Now life begins! Now it's time to worry about you and get you better! You are one strong person and don't let anyone tell you differently. I honestly could careless about any of the material things, whether you have them or not. I know that you are a great friend, great mother, and an awesome person, to me? that is much more valuable!! Even though we haven't "met" I still consider you my friend and I'm so glad I've found you on here. Add me to the list of friends! You can whine, cry, laugh, do whatever I will always be there for you!! Sending you {hugs}. I will email you my number..use it if you need someone to talk to!! Day or night..I'm here for you!!

Mrs. CPA said...

I hate that this happened. I'm glad that it has a conclusion though. I would hate for it to be drawn out forever and you never know what is going on. Hang in there.

AnnieM said...

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...you are one tough mama! Thanks for sharing with us. You have lot's of support right here!

Kellie said...

Sweetie, I'm so sorry. I know how hard this is for you and I truly am sorry.

I DID want my divorce. My ex wasn't willing to do what needed to be done to make our marriage work. He's the one that filed. It didn't make it any less hard for me to see that someone who claimed to love me more than anything wasn't willing to save our marriage.

You know where I am if you need ANYTHING!!

Emma in Canada said...

What a great attitude you have Rachel! You have done the best thing for you and your girls, and done it well. They can only benefit from you handling this so well.

squishytushy said...

At least you know you tried your best... and much like Chick said - your life begins now. I, too, have no doubt that it will be amazing. (And then please laugh - loudly - when Chris realizes how much he lost & how good it had it...)

HollowSquirrel said...

I'm sorry, sweetie, but it sounds like it's for the best. Take the best from it and move on. I'm glad you have such good friends to help you through these tough times and celebrate your awesomeness.

"J" said...

Oh Rach....
I'm sooooooooooo sorry but it sounds like you do really need to move on!!!!! For real!!! You sound like you are in "my" past as me with my ex boyfriend - the whole bar thing...UGH...it gets old and it never did to him!!! Look at me now...I've moved on to better people in my life!!!! You will do the same!!!!

Hang in there!!!!!!
If you need to talk I'm here!!!!