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Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Catch up here.

So, I never confronted him. To this day, I still haven't. I am torn between believing this other person, that truthfully has no reason to lie, and wanting to believe my husband. He is my husband after all. So, I didn't confront him. I did, however, confide in my best friend about what I had found out. I had so many feelings about everything. I was so confused and like I usually do, I made a rash decision. I told Chris that I did not want to work things out. I was so hurt. It hurt me to say that to him. But, I had everyone telling me that was the right thing to do. That I didn't need to be with him. I know that I should have ignored everyone else and let my heart and mind tell me what to do, but I was soooo confused.

After 2 or 3 weeks, I started rethinking my decision. Again, color me confused. So, I poured my heart out to Chris. I tried to explain to him how I felt at the time and how sorry I was for how I treated him and how I went about telling him that we didn't need to see each other. My best friend actually took my phone and sent him a few text messages. I don't even want to think about how upset he must've been. I tried to tell him exactly how I felt. And, he told me that it was too late. That we had a chance to work on things and I chose to walk away. I immediately regretted saying anything to him. I felt like I should have just left it alone. But, my marriage was and is important to me. Marriage is not something to take lightly. Too many people are so quick to walk out. To me, it's something worth fighting for. So I continued to try. I didn't do it the way I wanted to. I allowed Chris to set boundaries. Again, something I regret.

That's all for now. I think tonight, I will sit down and do some writing.

20 comments:

Erin The Great said...

Take your time. We are all here for you!

Erin The Great said...

PS... I posted a great 5 minute chocolate mug cake recipe on my blog, should you need it :)

Heather said...

Writing always helps me too. Hang in there!!

Kellie said...

Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere.

"J" said...

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh girlie....
I had NO idea that this was all going on!!! =( I'm so sorry! I went and read the other post to get caught up!

Hang in there!!! Things will get better!!!! =) I mean that!!!!

If it's meant to be and yall love each other with all your might...you will be together...nothing can keep you apart! If it's not meant to be and only one of you are really working at this...it won't happen...just try and figure out what is going on!!!!

You must talk to him and NOT keep things in!!!! Don't hold back!!! Even if you have to write him a letter sharing your feelings!!!!

((((HUGS))))

ChrisB said...

You are having to deal with so much at the moment. I think you are very brave to share this and I hope that writing helps you to get a clear perspective on what you want for yourself. Take care.

K-Mom said...

Keep the faith...you'll get to where you need to be. Journaling your thoughts is always a good idea.

Sherry said...

I agree, writing out your feelings is very healthy and sometimes while your are writing , answers come to you.
hang in there you know we are all here for you.

phonemom said...

Hey we're all here for you. Take as long as you need.

Cat said...

Writing can help you grapple with emotions that are daunting, decisions, regrets. It's good for your soul. I'm happy I can share in the experience, however minutely...to be an "ear" (eye) for you. Take your time.

Ashley said...

I have no idea how I've been missing your posts! Somehow you got deleted from my Google Reader. I'm sorry! Writing is a great way to get things out. I hope it helps you work through everything. Email me your new address so I can invite you to my baby shower in December. Big hug!

Julie said...

As long as you are looking out for yourself you'll be fine.

Kelly said...

We are all here for you...so take your time and write when you want to write...we aren't going anywhere....{{HUGS}}

squishytushy said...

You deserve to have many, many cookies. Ice cream too.

Catwoman said...

I've been so terrible about visiting, and it's because I hadn't updated my blog reader to your new blog, oops!!! So this whole time I thought you hadn't posted...

So yeah, I suck.

But I'm sending you hugs anyway!

That Chick Over There said...

Writing this all out will help you, I promise.

You have a ton of people behind you who love you.

XOXOX

Amy W said...

I had no idea either...I am here to listen when you are ready..

SJ said...

I'm here for you when you are ready to tell....

Take your time though, I can't imagine how hard this is for you.

Emma in Canada said...

Oh, Rachel, there is so much I can say to you! But this is so not the place for it. I hope things are looking better.

Cat said...

Thinking about you