Catch-up

It's been a busy few months for me. Very busy! And, so, I give you pictures to catch you up. Yes, I am taking the easy way out, but, trust me, if I try to put it all into a post, it would take you a day to read and me more than that to write it!

So there was Halloween




Alyssa was a panda bear, Kaylie was Gabriella from HSM and that's my cousin in the background.

There was Kaylie's 8th birthday! Surprise, surprise, an HSM cake!



There has been quite a bit of karaoking (I am certain that's a word). Not sure why I look pregnant in that picture, cuz, trust me, I don't and I'm not!



There's been new friends!



Old Friends






New Year's Eve!






Alyssa's 3rd Birthday!



She thought us singing Happy Birthday to her was the funniest thing!


I've been having some good times lately! It's been a blast! And, it's only gonna get better!

For those of you that read this post, a little update. My latest pap came back NORMAL. I have now had all but one since my cold knife cone come back normal. I go back in June, which will be considered my annual visit, and if that one comes back normal, I won't have to come back for another year. This is great news for someone that has gone for a pap too many times to count in the last 2 years!

Last night I was brushing Alyssa's teeth before bed and, lo and behold, what do I fine? My baby has 2, count 'em, 2 new teeth coming in!! Two top molars. One on each side!

Yesterday I picked Kaylie up from after-school care and she informs me that she had a nightmare the night before and wants to know if I want to know what it was about. Sure. So she tells me. Chris was picking her up from daycare. It was storming outside, really storming. And, there was an elephant, a mean elephant. He came charging toward the truck. He was a mean elephant and he was trying to kill people. He had horns.

That's it, that was the nightmare.

Now, a little background on the alleged nightmare. First of all, all day long yesterday they had been talking about the storms that we were going to get that night and today and 2 seconds before the nightmare story, Kaylie was telling me how scared she was gonna be whenever it was gonna storm. Secondly, at school they learn to read a new story each week. This week's character? You guessed it, an elephant.

The girl has got some imagination though, maybe she will be a writer one day. Or maybe she's just a big fat liar and will be a used car salesman one day, lol.

Kidding, she's waaaaaaay too smart for that!

Last week Kaylie had to go to the dentist to have a very small cavity filled. This is the first one and, hopefully, the last one she will have. I was unsure of what to tell her about what they were going to do. It struggled with letting her know they may give her a shot in her mouth or not telling her to keep her from getting real anxious about it. If I tell her she will get upset and nervous. If I don't tell her she will be mad when she finds out. It was a catch 22. In the end I decided not to tell her.

I did explain that they would put a mask on her nose with "laughing gas" and that it would help her relax while they fixed her tooth. Honestly, I wasn't really sure if they would give her a shot or not because the cavity was soooo small, so why scare her for no reason, ya know.

Anyway, we get there and she is all smiles. This child loves going to the dentist! We go back and they put the mask on her and she was doing really good. The dentist comes in and I saw that they were going to be giving her a shot. They did not tell her they were going to, he just started.

Ya'll, my baby girl did not even flinch. She didn't cry. She didn't try to push him away. She took it better than some grown men would. Hell, she took it better than I would've. I can't begin to tell you how proud I was and am of her. I was more nervous than she ever even thought about being.

In the end, the cavity got filled, and she thought that her numb mouth was just too cool!

On another note, my sweet little baby girl, Alyssa, has been hurtin her mommy's feelings lately. I pick her up from her babysitter everyday (I drop her off also). And for the last week every time I pick her up, she smiles when she sees me and then when I pick her up or take her from the babysitter, she starts crying and hits me in my face!!!!! And she wants to go back to the babysitter. I'm very glad that she loves the people that watch her so much, and I know it's just a phase she's going through, but after a couple of times, I can't help but let it get to me.

It makes me question if there is something I'm doing wrong as a mother. Kaylie never did that and it really really hurts my feelings. I sometimes feel like she would rather be with anyone else but me.

WOW! I can't believe I had 19 comments on my last post!!!! (Well, 20, if you include my own comment) Thank you to everyone for your suggestions and I really am going to try my best to become more organized. I am tired of starting each morning out feeling rushed and feeling like I forgot to do something.

Speaking of forgetting to do something, I forgot to take something out for dinner tonight, so you see why I need to get organized!

This past weekend, Alyssa stood BY HERSELF!!! Not for long, only about 5 seconds or so, but she stood and I could tell that she really wanted to do it! I guess she will be attempting some steps soon. I'm not at all ready for that, not because she will be more mobile and into even more stuff, but because, holy crap, she's growing up waaaaaaaaay too fast and it makes me sad. I also took her bottle away from her this weekend. I had been offering her a sippy cup for the last month or so and she wanted nothing to do with it. Nothing. So, I finally decided that we were gonna quit the bottle "cold turkey" and it was much easier than I anticipated. She is now drinking out of a sippy cup!

I will leave you with a new pic.



It's not very good quality; I took it with my phone.

*****************************************EDITED**************************************

I want everyone to send out prayers for a friend of mine today. She, unfortunately, had a miscarriage last night. She was just one day or so away from that 13-week milestone. She was so excited about having her 1st baby, but, sometimes things work out differently than you plan.

A little late

Ok, I don't have the internet at home so I could not post a birthday post to my baby girl on her birthday and I've been pretty busy while at work. But, finally, I am doing it.

Alyssa's 1st birthday was on Sunday, January 7th. Let's go back to one year ago.

Early morning December 31st (around 5ish I think) I woke up having contractions. You were not due until the end of January so I was shocked and kinda scared. We were really not ready. Although, I had a feeling that you were not planning to wait until the end of January to meet us so Daddy and I had done our best to get things ready early. I woke up your Daddy and off to the hospital we go and, yep, I'm in labor. 35 and 1/2 weeks was too soon they said. They gave me some shots in my arm to stop the labor and we spent our New Year's Eve night in the hospital. Luckily the shots worked and we went home the next day.

Fast forward to 3 days later. Once again, early morning and I am in labor again. Back to the hospital we go. They stop the labor again and we go home and go to see my OB that afternoon. I had not dialated from the labor but I was still contracting all the time. He decided to go ahead and induce me on Friday, January 6th.

Daddy and I got up that morning, we took Kaylie to school and head to the doctor's office and promptly got sent to the hospital where the induction began. After 18, yes 18, hours of labor there were some problems. The nurse came in and put an oxygen mask on me because your heart rate was just a little low. Ok, I can handle that. Dr. Stack (love him) came in and checked and I was still only 3 cm dialated. It was looking like a c-section but we wanted to wait a little longer and see. Just a few minutes later, the nurse comes in and rolls me on my right side, then on my left and then more nurses come in and they tell me that you had to come out NOW. Your heart rate was around 60 bpm and should have been more than twice that. I have never been so scared in my life.

Within minutes I am being wheeled into the OR for an emergency c-section. Your Daddy couldn't even come with me because they had to put me under general anethesia. That scared me even more. The next thing I know I wake up back in my room and your Daddy is standing next to the bed holding you in his arms. You were perfect.

It seems like yesterday. I thank God and the wonderful doctors and nurses that you came through everything just fine. I love you baby girl.

Happy 1st Birthday Alyssa!



A little late, but better than nothing!


******Edited to add other pics of Alyssa. I wanted everyone to see just how much she demolished that cake. She LOVED it.******

Very proud!

This weekend was a pretty good weekend for me and my girls. Of course, we had Alyssa's 1st birthday party and I will tell you about that and probably have some pics later.

But...

On Friday night, I picked up Kaylie from school, picked up Alyssa from Chris and went home. Of course, as soon as I got home I realized that I still had not dropped of Alyssa prescription for her ear infection. So, back out we all go. Thank goodness it was not raining (it did most of the weekend) and was nice out (65ish degrees). We go to the closest Walgreens to drop off the script. We go in and I give it to them and they tell me it will be an hour and a half before it's ready. WTF!?! So I said ok and we go back home. We all eat dinner and I'm waiting on 8:30 to get close so that we can go back to get the medicine. Alyssa was getting fussy and was obviously ready to go to bed.

We go back and, of course, the line at the pharmacy is about 10 miles long. So we wait and wait and wait. We finally get to the front of the line and, don't you know, it wasn't even ready yet! I should say that the girls were behaving very very well the whole time, which helped. They finally get it ready and we leave, again, and head home. We get home and get pjs on and take medicine and Kaylie tells me she wants to read the library book she go from school before bed.

Ok, fine with me. We all get into Kaylie's bed. Ok, Alyssa stayed there for about 2.5 seconds and then wanted down. But, Kaylie opens the book and, much to my surprise and amazement, she started reading the book to me!!!!!!!!! My baby has learned how to read!!! OMG!!! She still needed help on a few of the words, but she read me the entire book. I cannot tell you how proud I am of this. I knew it was going to happen but the only things she was reading to me were little books that she and her classmates had put together, so I was thinking she was just remembering what the stories were.

Not so!!! I'm so excited for her and she was so happy to be able to show me that she could read. I can't wait for her to read another book to me. It was great that I was the one she wanted to share that with.

In most of my recent posts, I have kept most of my feelings and what's going on with my "situation" to myself, for my own reasons, but, things are changing and I feel like writing things down.

I've decided that I am no longer going to try to change Chris's mind about getting a divorce. Chris has been very wishy washy, for lack of a better word, with me in the last 2 months. He tells me that maybe we can work things out, that it may take awhile, but it could happen. Great! Then, 3 weeks later, he's changed his mind...again. But he still continues to ask me things like why did this happen and why this and why that.

If you want a divorce, WHY do you care??

I can't continue to put myself through that. It hurts me too much. Don't get me wrong, I still love Chris with all of my heart, but I am beginning to realize some things about him. This whole situation is showing me how selfish he can be. HE is the one that wanted to have Alyssa (I don't regret our decision and I never will, please don't think that) and get married because, and I quote, "it was the right thing to do". Now, my close friends that know me know that I have never believed that little saying. I have never agreed with getting married simply because you got someone pregnant. I married Chris because I was in love with him, no other reason. Sure, it happened sooner than we expected because I did get pregnant, but I was in love. It seems to me that Chris cannot and does not want to handle the responsibiltiy of being a full-time husband and father. Thats fine. That is his decision, but it should've been made along time ago, before he allowed my daughter and his daughter to become involved. They shouldn't have had to go through this. He can tell me all day long that the reason he wants a divorce is because I lied to him. I think that's bullshit. He was just looking for an out and he found one.

I've spent the last 2 months thinking about everything over and over again and I can't keep doing that. Like I said, I still love Chris and I wish that we could work things out, but he can't handle it and I can't force him to. I have to move on with my life for my sake and my daughters' sakes.

It will be a long time before I get involved with anyone else. I'm just not ready for anything like that. I do want a family, a husband, my kids, hanging out at home just watching tv and playing, but I still would like to have that with Chris and I'm finally coming to grips with the fact that it is not going to happen.
*************************************************************************************

I took Alyssa for her 1 year checkup yesterday and my poor baby did not enjoy it. When I picked her up from the babysitter, she felt a little warm. We get to the dr and they prick her finger to check her iron, which was great, and that pissed her off. She would calm down a little bit and then she would look at the band-aid on her little finger and just get all upset again. Made me want to cry with her. She's healthy, she's growing. She's 16 pounds, 12 ounces. On the small side, but her doctor is ok with it. She was running a fever though, a small one, but a fever. She has an ear infection and a cough and snot for days. But, we will get her antibiotics and she will be feeling great and ready for her birthday party on Saturday. I can't wait for that!

Two posts in one day!

Ok, I stole this from It's My Life and wanted to do it. I am tagging everyone!

1. What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before? Bought 2 vehicles
2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?I did not make any last year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yeah, I did!
4. Did anyone close to you die? Luckily no.
5. What countries did you visit? None
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? There are lots of things.
7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? There are 2, the 1st is Jan. 7th because it's my baby girl's birthday and the other is Nov. 5th because that's the day my husband told me he wanted a divorce.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting a big raise at work.
9. What was your biggest failure? Separating from my husband.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Just the usual colds, etc.
11. What was the best thing you bought? I don't know.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Certainly not mine.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Mine.
14. Where did most of your money go? To everyone else.
15. What events did you get really, really, really excited about? My daughter's impending birth and my first wedding anniversary.
16. What song will always remind you of ‘06? Broken Road by Rascal Flatts
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:* Happier or Sadder? Much sadder* Thinner or Fatter? Thinner (but I was preggo last year) * Richer or Poorer? Neither I guess
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Too many things.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Worrying
20. How was Christmas? My kids enjoyed it.
21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with? Probably my husband.
22. Did you fall in love in 2006?I stayed in love
23. How many one-night stands? None
24. What was your favorite TV program? I don't know, I like CSI and Law & Order.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Hate…no. Dislike…yes.

26. What was the best book you read? I have not really had time to read.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery or rediscovery? I didn't have any.
28. What did you want and get? Love for a minute at least.

29. What did you want and not get? See #28
30. What were your favorite films of this year? I don't really have any.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 27 and Chris and I went to a Tennessee Titans game.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? My husband working things out with me.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? I don't know.
34. What kept you sane?My husband tried to and so did I.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most/least? I really don't care either way.
36. What political issue stirred you the most? Hmmm, I'm not sure.
37. Whom did you miss? My Husband.
38. Who was the best new person you met? No one that I can think of.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006: Not enough time or space to list it.
40. Do you have any lost feelings of others? no

Happy New Year

I hope that everyone had a good New Years. Mine was quiet, I had my babies and stayed home with them. They did stay up until around 11 or so and had a good time playing. I would do like everyone else and go into what I want for 2007, but I'm not going to.

I'm sure I have lots of resolutions for myself, my family, my career, etc, but do I really want to put them all into words and put them on this blog? Not really. There are some things that I do not feel like sharing and this is one of them.

That being said, I do hope for good things in the next year. My 2006 started out wonderful and ended pretty crappy. It can only get better, right?

I'm a little sad at the moment because, my little baby will be turning one year old on Sunday. I'm so excited that she has reached this milestone, but I wish that I could turn back time, or, at least slow it down some. Before I know it she will be walking and talking and turn into a toddler that doesn't want to cuddle or want my help to do things anymore.

Oh well, I guess that's just what they do.

I hope everyone had a good Christmas. My girls did. I loved watching Alyssa open her presents and, of course, she loved the paper more than anything. At my aunt's house on Christmas Eve, Alyssa opened her first present and that's all she wanted, she could have cared less about continuing. She just wanted to play with that first toy. I ended up opening more of her presents than she did, but it was still fun. Kaylie, as usual, had a blast. My brother got her this huge stuffed animal dog. People, when I say huge, I mean HUGE! It is probably 4 feet long and 2 feet around. It's probably bigger than a real dog.

Kaylie wanted to leave some cookies for Santa, so, after the girls went to bed, I set out one and a half cookies and part of a glass of milk (to make it seem as if Santa had some) but when I woke up, there was only half a cookie left and lots of, um, crumbs on the floor and the table. Kaylie told me that Santa ate alot of the cookies and I couldn't bust her out without telling her about Santa. It was so funny, cuz she really thought that I had no idea she had eaten the cookies. Anyway, they had a good Christmas and I am taking my decorations down this weekend and trying to reorganize with all the new toys they received.

Alright, so I changed my template...again. I like this one.

Anyhow, I have still not finished my Christmas shopping. I will, hopefully, finish on Friday. Kaylie is ready for Santa to come and see her. She's decided that we need to leave out some milk and cookies for him (I believe that Santa will eat all the cookies we leave him). I took Alyssa and Kaylie to see Santa on Sunday. I had planned on just having Kaylie's picture made because Chris had already taken Alyssa, but I couldn't resist. She LOVED Santa. I put her in his lap and she just loved it! I got her attention towards the camera and in her Santa pic she is smiling and clapping! If I knew how, I would post it on here, but I don't have a scanner, so, sorry.

Kaylie's pic turned out great too! She told Santa she wants a big bouncy ball for Christmas, so, now I have to find one of those this weekend. She did let Santa know that her baby sister wants baby toys, which was so sweet.

I am just kind of ready for Christmas to be finished and get back to a normal? routine.

I know I haven't been blogging much lately, but I haven't had much to blog about. I still haven't put up my Christmas tree, but I plan to this weekend. I was thinking that my tree was somewhere in the garage at Chris's house, but he went through and brought me some things that were in there and he couldn't find it. Luckily, my aunt has one she is not using, so I plan to pick that up this weekend.

I still haven't done any Christmas shopping!! Every year, I say, I'm gonna start early, and then I never do. But, I'm gonna try to get some done this weekend. The only problem is I am not sure where I will be able to hide the stuff that I buy. Kaylie is a nosy little thing, so...

She's also hard to shop for. The older she gets, the worse it gets. She's not picky or anything like that, but I want to get her stuff that she will play with or use, so, this year, I'm thinking about things she can do with her hands, like painting and coloring and things like that. She likes doing that sort of thing. Alyssa will be easy to shop for, walk down the baby toy aisle and just put stuff in the basket.

That's really just it for now, my life is totally boring at the moment.

Ok, so I've been tagged by Kellie to give you all 6 weird things about me. I really don't think I'm weird, but I will try.

Here are the rules - Each player of this game starts with the "6 Weird Things about You." People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog!"

On to my weirdness:

1. Whenever I eat fast food, I have to eat the french fries first. I have no idea why I do this, but I do.

2. I cannot stand peanut butter or jelly and therefore have never had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I like to eat peanuts though.

3. I play with my hair when I am nervous or bored. I do it to the point that my arm will hurt. I have done this for years. My dad always used to get mad at me for it.

4. I have massive amounts of shower gels and lotions in my bathroom. I rarely, if ever, use any of them, but I still buy more and don't throw any away very often. I might use them, you never know.

5. I like to put hot sauce on popcorn. This may not be weird, but me and my best friend are the only people I know that do this.

6. I cannot stand movie theatre popcorn, it has too much butter. I still eat it though.

Ok, see, I'm not weird at all! There really is no one left to tag because I think that everyone has done this already.

I would've done it sooner, but Alyssa was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. She's out now and feeling wonderful, but it was pretty scary for me. I've never dealt with that before. Thank you to everyone who left a sweet comment on my last post hoping for her to get better. She's back to her normal, happy, playing self. Thank you God!!!!!!

My poor baby

My poor little Alyssa is sick and was sick ALL weekend. She's been trying to get over a cold for a couple of weeks, but it was just a stuffy/runny nose (how you can have both has always made me wonder) and some slight coughing and sneezing. She started to get better and then, perhaps because our weather has so crazy, but now it has moved into her chest. She is so congested and feels so bad. Then on Saturday night, she started to try and run a fever, just 100.5 which, for Alyssa is slight. I gave her some Tylenol, and she was fine. All day on Sunday she was fine, kinda fussy, but no fever. Then last night, it jumps, pretty quickly to 101.5. I gave her some Tylenol and put her to bed.

Then she woke up around 4:15 this morning and the fever was either back or never really went away, it was 101.7. I gave her more Tylenol and fed her a bottle and just held her for a while. I put her back to bed and this morning around 8 when I got up to get Kaylie ready for school (I had already called and let my boss know I wouldn't be in until later) Alyssa still felt warm, but I didn't have time to take her temp again before leaving. We dropped Kaylie off and came home and Alyssa went straight back to sleep. She slept until I woke her at noon or so because I had to go to work and she was going to Chris's house. Her fever was 102 this time. My poor baby just feels awful. She didn't really eat much this morning. She just wants to sleep.

Hopefully she will get to feeling better soon. She is going to the doctor this afternoon and I hope its just a simple virus.

That's about it for me at the moment.

Hello

I hope that everyone had a good Thanksgiving. Mine was ok, I ate lots of food and got to see some family that I don't get to see often. Both the girls had a good time. Alyssa ate up sweet potatoes like it was nobody's business. She loved them!

I also moved the Friday after Thanksgiving. While bunches and bunches of people were crowding the stores buying Christmas presents, I was moving into my new apartment. Fun, huh? Not really. I got alot done, though, because I did not have either Kaylie or Alyssa with me. I haven't even seen Alyssa since Friday and I miss her soooo much. I miss my family so much. During the day is ok, cuz I'm at work and busy and once I get home (well, it's not home, but, I live there) I cook dinner and Kaylie and I watch tv and do homework and such. But, once Kaylie goes to bed, I am so lonely. I don't even want to sleep in my own bed, because I miss Chris being in it with me so much. I just haven't had much to blog about, I'm not looking forward to Christmas. It's Alyssa's 1st and we were supposed to celebrate together, but, it seems that's not going to happen. I would like to invite Chris to Christmas, but I'm afraid he would say no, and that would just really hurt my feelings, so...

Anyway, like I said, I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving!

The Obligatory Thankful Post

This Thanksgiving I'm not in such a thankful mood, as I'm sure you've all guessed. But I do realize that although things right now are not good for me, I do have many things that I am thankful that I do have.

1. I'm thankful for all of my friends. Each and every one of them. Each in different ways, but all equally. Especially, Crystal
2. I'm very thankful for my beautiful daughters. I love them more than words can say and wouldn't trade being there mom for anything in the world. I can't wait to see the wonderful people they grow up to be and all the things they will discover along the way. I just hope it's all happy things, of course.

3. I'm thankful that I had 2 years with Chris. I still love him very much and he did give my Alyssa and for that I will always be thankful. I was hoping for a lifetime with him, but, at least I had a short period of time. I'm a different person than I was before I met him and I'm glad for that.

4. I'm thankful for my family. Without my parents, I don't know where I would be right now. They have helped me out more than than I would have ever expected them to and I love them very, very much. I only wish that I could pay them back for all they've done for me. One day I will.

5. I'm thankful that I am healthy and that I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food in my kitchen. I am thankful that my kids have the same thing.

6. I am thankful for my soon to be ex-in-laws. I love them very much and will miss them like crazy. They were, and still are, loving, caring wonderful people and I only wish that I could still be a part of that family too.

7. I am thankful that I work for someone that appreciates the work that I do and also understands when I have to leave early or come in late or stay home altogther because I have kids. I'm thankful that he understands my current situation and realizes that on somedays, I might not be having a good day.

8. There are so many other things that I am thankful for, but I cannot list them all here because you would get bored and surely move on. But, just know, there are many others.

I hope everyone has a safe and Happy Thanksgiving.

Things

I found an apartment yesterday. I had found one earlier in the week, but they told me that my credit wasn't good enough. That kinda surprised me, because, although my credit is not A-1, it's not horrible. Anyway, the apartment that I ended up with is bigger and nicer anyway. I am kind of excited, very nervous, and pretty sad. I'm ready to get my life back in some kind of order and this is the first step. My oldest daughter is having kind of a hard time with all of this. She is losing the home she lived in, one of her sisters, her stepfather and numerous aunts cousins and so on and it hurts me that she has to deal with this because essientially, it is my fault. I'm not saying the divorce is all my fault, but I am the one that put my daughter in this situation to begin with, that is my fault. That little girl has had to deal with way to much at 6 years of age and most of it was because of me. In the past 2 years, we moved (from the only home she remembered) and she changed daycares. Then, I got pregnant, then married, the she started kindergarten (which she has done sooooo well in) and now, we are kind of displaced at the moment and moving to a new apartment and she's losing what was her normal life. Alyssa has started to be a little more clingy with me since this began. I don't know if it's because of her age or if the situation is affecting her. Either way, it hurts me and her. Both times since I moved most of my things out of our house, that I have gone to pick up Alyssa from her father, Haley (my stepdaughter) has asked if she can go when we leave and asks me why I'm taking Alyssa with me when she belongs there and that just tears me up. I just don't know how to answer that question. But Haley is young and I don't think that she will always ask things like that and of course, Chris knows that Haley is always welcome to come over to my house any time she wants, she just has to ask. I know that things will get easier, but I just want my old life back still and I don't know when that feeling is ever going to go away.

I'm back

I've decided that blogging is therapeutic for me and, therefore, I am gonna continue. The only reason I erased all of my previous posts is because, my husband told me he wants a divorce and then blamed the blog and myspace as part of his reasons. My marriage means everything to me so, of course, I thought that if I stopped blogging, perhaps he could forgive it and we could work things out. Not so. So, currently me, my 6 year old and my 10-month old are all living in one bedroom in my parents house while I am trying to find somewhere permanent to live. Beware that alot of my coming posts may be sad and full of self pity, but I have to talk (type) about it. I am going to hopefully find a doctor to talk with and help me get through this because its hard and I'm not dealing with it very well.

But, my kids need me and I will do what I have to do to be there for both of them.