I hope everyone had a good Christmas. My girls did. I loved watching Alyssa open her presents and, of course, she loved the paper more than anything. At my aunt's house on Christmas Eve, Alyssa opened her first present and that's all she wanted, she could have cared less about continuing. She just wanted to play with that first toy. I ended up opening more of her presents than she did, but it was still fun. Kaylie, as usual, had a blast. My brother got her this huge stuffed animal dog. People, when I say huge, I mean HUGE! It is probably 4 feet long and 2 feet around. It's probably bigger than a real dog.

Kaylie wanted to leave some cookies for Santa, so, after the girls went to bed, I set out one and a half cookies and part of a glass of milk (to make it seem as if Santa had some) but when I woke up, there was only half a cookie left and lots of, um, crumbs on the floor and the table. Kaylie told me that Santa ate alot of the cookies and I couldn't bust her out without telling her about Santa. It was so funny, cuz she really thought that I had no idea she had eaten the cookies. Anyway, they had a good Christmas and I am taking my decorations down this weekend and trying to reorganize with all the new toys they received.

Alright, so I changed my template...again. I like this one.

Anyhow, I have still not finished my Christmas shopping. I will, hopefully, finish on Friday. Kaylie is ready for Santa to come and see her. She's decided that we need to leave out some milk and cookies for him (I believe that Santa will eat all the cookies we leave him). I took Alyssa and Kaylie to see Santa on Sunday. I had planned on just having Kaylie's picture made because Chris had already taken Alyssa, but I couldn't resist. She LOVED Santa. I put her in his lap and she just loved it! I got her attention towards the camera and in her Santa pic she is smiling and clapping! If I knew how, I would post it on here, but I don't have a scanner, so, sorry.

Kaylie's pic turned out great too! She told Santa she wants a big bouncy ball for Christmas, so, now I have to find one of those this weekend. She did let Santa know that her baby sister wants baby toys, which was so sweet.

I am just kind of ready for Christmas to be finished and get back to a normal? routine.

Update

Well, everyone is finally feeling better in my household! Neither of the girls are sick anymore!!! Kaylie and I finally decorated the Christmas tree and she had a lot of fun doing that. Alyssa is pulling up on everything she can get her little hands on, which is fine except when its the entertainment center. I still haven't bought her a new bath seat (the one she has is with Chris) and so she moves all over the bathtub when I give her a bath. Last night, she realized, hey, I can pull up on the tub while I'm in it and hit my hands on the side of the tub and splash water! She was having such a good time. She kept leaning over, while she was sitting down, and trying to eat the bubbles that were in the water from Kaylie washing her hair. It was too cute.

I'm still not finished with my Christmas shopping, not by a longshot. I'm having a very hard time deciding on what to get for Chris. He may not be getting me anything, I really don't know and it really doesn't matter, but I want to get him something. I have lots of ideas, it's just deciding on them!

Well, Alyssa is feeling much much much better now. She's definitely back to her old self, well, except for one thing.

SHE PULLED UP THIS WEEKEND!!!!!

I was so excited for her, and a little sad, especially since she will be a year old in less than a month. It's great watching her grow up and accomplish things that she really is trying hard to do them! But it's also sad, because she's becoming more independent and is so busy learning and playing that she doesn't always want to just sit with Mommy anymore.

Kaylie went to the doctor yesterday and found out she has bronchitis and strep throat! My poor kids, right before Christmas they're all getting sick. She's got some medicine though and hopefully she will be better soon.

I was able to get some Christmas shopping done this weekend and that feels good. I've got a little more to do, but not much.

I've been busy at work (as usual) and busy at home too. I got my Christmas tree up, it's not decorated, but it's up. I'm waiting on Kaylie to come home before I decorate it. She can't go back to school until Thursday (doctor's orders) so she is just staying at her dad's house until Wednesday evening and then we will be decorating.

Hope everyone is having a good week.

I know I haven't been blogging much lately, but I haven't had much to blog about. I still haven't put up my Christmas tree, but I plan to this weekend. I was thinking that my tree was somewhere in the garage at Chris's house, but he went through and brought me some things that were in there and he couldn't find it. Luckily, my aunt has one she is not using, so I plan to pick that up this weekend.

I still haven't done any Christmas shopping!! Every year, I say, I'm gonna start early, and then I never do. But, I'm gonna try to get some done this weekend. The only problem is I am not sure where I will be able to hide the stuff that I buy. Kaylie is a nosy little thing, so...

She's also hard to shop for. The older she gets, the worse it gets. She's not picky or anything like that, but I want to get her stuff that she will play with or use, so, this year, I'm thinking about things she can do with her hands, like painting and coloring and things like that. She likes doing that sort of thing. Alyssa will be easy to shop for, walk down the baby toy aisle and just put stuff in the basket.

That's really just it for now, my life is totally boring at the moment.

Ok, so I've been tagged by Kellie to give you all 6 weird things about me. I really don't think I'm weird, but I will try.

Here are the rules - Each player of this game starts with the "6 Weird Things about You." People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog!"

On to my weirdness:

1. Whenever I eat fast food, I have to eat the french fries first. I have no idea why I do this, but I do.

2. I cannot stand peanut butter or jelly and therefore have never had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I like to eat peanuts though.

3. I play with my hair when I am nervous or bored. I do it to the point that my arm will hurt. I have done this for years. My dad always used to get mad at me for it.

4. I have massive amounts of shower gels and lotions in my bathroom. I rarely, if ever, use any of them, but I still buy more and don't throw any away very often. I might use them, you never know.

5. I like to put hot sauce on popcorn. This may not be weird, but me and my best friend are the only people I know that do this.

6. I cannot stand movie theatre popcorn, it has too much butter. I still eat it though.

Ok, see, I'm not weird at all! There really is no one left to tag because I think that everyone has done this already.

I would've done it sooner, but Alyssa was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. She's out now and feeling wonderful, but it was pretty scary for me. I've never dealt with that before. Thank you to everyone who left a sweet comment on my last post hoping for her to get better. She's back to her normal, happy, playing self. Thank you God!!!!!!

My poor baby

My poor little Alyssa is sick and was sick ALL weekend. She's been trying to get over a cold for a couple of weeks, but it was just a stuffy/runny nose (how you can have both has always made me wonder) and some slight coughing and sneezing. She started to get better and then, perhaps because our weather has so crazy, but now it has moved into her chest. She is so congested and feels so bad. Then on Saturday night, she started to try and run a fever, just 100.5 which, for Alyssa is slight. I gave her some Tylenol, and she was fine. All day on Sunday she was fine, kinda fussy, but no fever. Then last night, it jumps, pretty quickly to 101.5. I gave her some Tylenol and put her to bed.

Then she woke up around 4:15 this morning and the fever was either back or never really went away, it was 101.7. I gave her more Tylenol and fed her a bottle and just held her for a while. I put her back to bed and this morning around 8 when I got up to get Kaylie ready for school (I had already called and let my boss know I wouldn't be in until later) Alyssa still felt warm, but I didn't have time to take her temp again before leaving. We dropped Kaylie off and came home and Alyssa went straight back to sleep. She slept until I woke her at noon or so because I had to go to work and she was going to Chris's house. Her fever was 102 this time. My poor baby just feels awful. She didn't really eat much this morning. She just wants to sleep.

Hopefully she will get to feeling better soon. She is going to the doctor this afternoon and I hope its just a simple virus.

That's about it for me at the moment.

Hello

I hope that everyone had a good Thanksgiving. Mine was ok, I ate lots of food and got to see some family that I don't get to see often. Both the girls had a good time. Alyssa ate up sweet potatoes like it was nobody's business. She loved them!

I also moved the Friday after Thanksgiving. While bunches and bunches of people were crowding the stores buying Christmas presents, I was moving into my new apartment. Fun, huh? Not really. I got alot done, though, because I did not have either Kaylie or Alyssa with me. I haven't even seen Alyssa since Friday and I miss her soooo much. I miss my family so much. During the day is ok, cuz I'm at work and busy and once I get home (well, it's not home, but, I live there) I cook dinner and Kaylie and I watch tv and do homework and such. But, once Kaylie goes to bed, I am so lonely. I don't even want to sleep in my own bed, because I miss Chris being in it with me so much. I just haven't had much to blog about, I'm not looking forward to Christmas. It's Alyssa's 1st and we were supposed to celebrate together, but, it seems that's not going to happen. I would like to invite Chris to Christmas, but I'm afraid he would say no, and that would just really hurt my feelings, so...

Anyway, like I said, I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving!

The Obligatory Thankful Post

This Thanksgiving I'm not in such a thankful mood, as I'm sure you've all guessed. But I do realize that although things right now are not good for me, I do have many things that I am thankful that I do have.

1. I'm thankful for all of my friends. Each and every one of them. Each in different ways, but all equally. Especially, Crystal
2. I'm very thankful for my beautiful daughters. I love them more than words can say and wouldn't trade being there mom for anything in the world. I can't wait to see the wonderful people they grow up to be and all the things they will discover along the way. I just hope it's all happy things, of course.

3. I'm thankful that I had 2 years with Chris. I still love him very much and he did give my Alyssa and for that I will always be thankful. I was hoping for a lifetime with him, but, at least I had a short period of time. I'm a different person than I was before I met him and I'm glad for that.

4. I'm thankful for my family. Without my parents, I don't know where I would be right now. They have helped me out more than than I would have ever expected them to and I love them very, very much. I only wish that I could pay them back for all they've done for me. One day I will.

5. I'm thankful that I am healthy and that I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food in my kitchen. I am thankful that my kids have the same thing.

6. I am thankful for my soon to be ex-in-laws. I love them very much and will miss them like crazy. They were, and still are, loving, caring wonderful people and I only wish that I could still be a part of that family too.

7. I am thankful that I work for someone that appreciates the work that I do and also understands when I have to leave early or come in late or stay home altogther because I have kids. I'm thankful that he understands my current situation and realizes that on somedays, I might not be having a good day.

8. There are so many other things that I am thankful for, but I cannot list them all here because you would get bored and surely move on. But, just know, there are many others.

I hope everyone has a safe and Happy Thanksgiving.

The obligatory thankful post

This Thanksgiving I'm not in such a thankful mood, as I'm sure you've all guessed. But I do realize that although things right now are not good for me, I do have many things that I am thankful that I do have.

1. I'm thankful for all of my friends. Each and every one of them. Each in different ways, but all equally. Especially, Crystal
2. I'm very thankful for my beautiful daughters. I love them more than words can say and wouldn't trade being there mom for anything in the world. I can't wait to see the wonderful people they grow up to be and all the things they will discover along the way. I just hope it's all happy things, of course.

3. I'm thankful that I had 2 years with Chris. I still love him very much and he did give my Alyssa and for that I will always be thankful. I was hoping for a lifetime with him, but, at least I had a short period of time. I'm a different person than I was before I met him and I'm glad for that.

4. I'm thankful for my family. Without my parents, I don't know where I would be right now. They have helped me out more than than I would have ever expected them to and I love them very, very much. I only wish that I could pay them back for all they've done for me. One day I will.

5. I'm thankful that I am healthy and that I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food in my kitchen. I am thankful that my kids have the same thing.

6. I am thankful for my soon to be ex-in-laws. I love them very much and will miss them like crazy. They were, and still are, loving, caring wonderful people and I only wish that I could still be a part of that family too.

7. I am thankful that I work for someone that appreciates the work that I do and also understands when I have to leave early or come in late or stay home altogther because I have kids. I'm thankful that he understands my current situation and realizes that on somedays, I might not be having a good day.

8. There are so many other things that I am thankful for, but I cannot list them all here because you would get bored and surely move on. But, just know, there are many others.

I hope everyone has a safe and Happy Thanksgiving.

Nothing much

I don't really have much to blog about these days. Tonight I went to Kaylie's open house at school. She was sooooo excited to be able to show me around her school and her classroom and everything. She had been talking about it all week. I had a good time. I also asked her teacher to call me so that I can explain our new situation to her so that she can let me know if she sees Kaylie changing any or if her work starts to suffer.

I dread that phone call because it's still very, very hard for me to tell people that Chris wants a divorce. The other night I went over to my best friend's boyfriends house. The three of us were playing cards when his roomate and his fiance' came home. His roommate apparently already knew because he came over and gave me a hug. But, his fiance' did not. She asked me where Chris was and I just damn broke down crying. I couldn't help it. I haven't even been able to take off my wedding ring yet and I don't think I will be able to for a while, maybe ever.

You're probably thinking, yes you wil, it will just take time. No, it won't. I am not sure that how much I love and need and want Chris comes through in my writing or came through in my life, because, perhaps, had I shown it more or done things differently, I would still be with Chris right now. I miss his arms around me. I miss his kiss first thing in the morning when he was leaving for work and I was still half asleep. I miss coming home and seeing him and knowing that he would be there every night. Even when he fell asleep in the living room watching tv, I knew he was there and I guess I took for granted that he always would be. I'm in tears as I'm typing this because I'm still devestated. It's been almost two weeks since he told me and I don't feel any better. Right now there is no light at the end of the tunnel for me. I can't help but wonder, every second of every minute of every day, what he is doing, or thinking.

What makes things even worse, is it's like he's trying to get rid of any evidence that I ever lived in the same house with him. That hurts almost as much. I feel like I never meant that much to him and I can't describe how that makes me feel. Everything reminds me of Chris, from a tv show to a song on the radio. I'm not sure that I will ever stop being in love with him. EVER. He is everything to me and he's gone.

Nothing much

I don't really have much to blog about these days. Tonight I went to Kaylie's open house at school. She was sooooo excited to be able to show me around her school and her classroom and everything. She had been talking about it all week. I had a good time. I also asked her teacher to call me so that I can explain our new situation to her so that she can let me know if she sees Kaylie changing any or if her work starts to suffer.

I dread that phone call because it's still very, very hard for me to tell people that Chris wants a divorce. The other night I went over to my best friend's boyfriends house. The three of us were playing cards when his roomate and his fiance' came home. His roommate apparently already knew because he came over and gave me a hug. But, his fiance' did not. She asked me where Chris was and I just damn broke down crying. I couldn't help it. I haven't even been able to take off my wedding ring yet and I don't think I will be able to for a while, maybe ever.

You're probably thinking, yes you wil, it will just take time. No, it won't. I am not sure that how much I love and need and want Chris comes through in my writing or came through in my life, because, perhaps, had I shown it more or done things differently, I would still be with Chris right now. I miss his arms around me. I miss his kiss first thing in the morning when he was leaving for work and I was still half asleep. I miss coming home and seeing him and knowing that he would be there every night. Even when he fell asleep in the living room watching tv, I knew he was there and I guess I took for granted that he always would be. I'm in tears as I'm typing this because I'm still devestated. It's been almost two weeks since he told me and I don't feel any better. Right now there is no light at the end of the tunnel for me. I can't help but wonder, every second of every minute of every day, what he is doing, or thinking.

What makes things even worse, is it's like he's trying to get rid of any evidence that I ever lived in the same house with him. That hurts almost as much. I feel like I never meant that much to him and I can't describe how that makes me feel. Everything reminds me of Chris, from a tv show to a song on the radio. I'm not sure that I will ever stop being in love with him. EVER. He is everything to me and he's gone.

Things

I found an apartment yesterday. I had found one earlier in the week, but they told me that my credit wasn't good enough. That kinda surprised me, because, although my credit is not A-1, it's not horrible. Anyway, the apartment that I ended up with is bigger and nicer anyway. I am kind of excited, very nervous, and pretty sad. I'm ready to get my life back in some kind of order and this is the first step. My oldest daughter is having kind of a hard time with all of this. She is losing the home she lived in, one of her sisters, her stepfather and numerous aunts cousins and so on and it hurts me that she has to deal with this because essientially, it is my fault. I'm not saying the divorce is all my fault, but I am the one that put my daughter in this situation to begin with, that is my fault. That little girl has had to deal with way to much at 6 years of age and most of it was because of me. In the past 2 years, we moved (from the only home she remembered) and she changed daycares. Then, I got pregnant, then married, the she started kindergarten (which she has done sooooo well in) and now, we are kind of displaced at the moment and moving to a new apartment and she's losing what was her normal life. Alyssa has started to be a little more clingy with me since this began. I don't know if it's because of her age or if the situation is affecting her. Either way, it hurts me and her. Both times since I moved most of my things out of our house, that I have gone to pick up Alyssa from her father, Haley (my stepdaughter) has asked if she can go when we leave and asks me why I'm taking Alyssa with me when she belongs there and that just tears me up. I just don't know how to answer that question. But Haley is young and I don't think that she will always ask things like that and of course, Chris knows that Haley is always welcome to come over to my house any time she wants, she just has to ask. I know that things will get easier, but I just want my old life back still and I don't know when that feeling is ever going to go away.

Things

I found an apartment yesterday. I had found one earlier in the week, but they told me that my credit wasn't good enough. That kinda surprised me, because, although my credit is not A-1, it's not horrible. Anyway, the apartment that I ended up with is bigger and nicer anyway. I am kind of excited, very nervous, and pretty sad. I'm ready to get my life back in some kind of order and this is the first step. My oldest daughter is having kind of a hard time with all of this. She is losing the home she lived in, one of her sisters, her stepfather and numerous aunts cousins and so on and it hurts me that she has to deal with this because essientially, it is my fault. I'm not saying the divorce is all my fault, but I am the one that put my daughter in this situation to begin with, that is my fault. That little girl has had to deal with way to much at 6 years of age and most of it was because of me. In the past 2 years, we moved (from the only home she remembered) and she changed daycares. Then, I got pregnant, then married, the she started kindergarten (which she has done sooooo well in) and now, we are kind of displaced at the moment and moving to a new apartment and she's losing what was her normal life. Alyssa has started to be a little more clingy with me since this began. I don't know if it's because of her age or if the situation is affecting her. Either way, it hurts me and her. Both times since I moved most of my things out of our house, that I have gone to pick up Alyssa from her father, Haley (my stepdaughter) has asked if she can go when we leave and asks me why I'm taking Alyssa with me when she belongs there and that just tears me up. I just don't know how to answer that question. But Haley is young and I don't think that she will always ask things like that and of course, Chris knows that Haley is always welcome to come over to my house any time she wants, she just has to ask. I know that things will get easier, but I just want my old life back still and I don't know when that feeling is ever going to go away.

I'm back

I've decided that blogging is therapeutic for me and, therefore, I am gonna continue. The only reason I erased all of my previous posts is because, my husband told me he wants a divorce and then blamed the blog and myspace as part of his reasons. My marriage means everything to me so, of course, I thought that if I stopped blogging, perhaps he could forgive it and we could work things out. Not so. So, currently me, my 6 year old and my 10-month old are all living in one bedroom in my parents house while I am trying to find somewhere permanent to live. Beware that alot of my coming posts may be sad and full of self pity, but I have to talk (type) about it. I am going to hopefully find a doctor to talk with and help me get through this because its hard and I'm not dealing with it very well.

But, my kids need me and I will do what I have to do to be there for both of them.

I'm back

I've decided that blogging is therapeutic for me and, therefore, I am gonna continue. The only reason I erased all of my previous posts is because, my husband told me he wants a divorce and then blamed the blog and myspace as part of his reasons. My marriage means everything to me so, of course, I thought that if I stopped blogging, perhaps he could forgive it and we could work things out. Not so. So, currently me, my 6 year old and my 10-month old are all living in one bedroom in my parents house while I am trying to find somewhere permanent to live. Beware that alot of my coming posts may be sad and full of self pity, but I have to talk (type) about it. I am going to hopefully find a doctor to talk with and help me get through this because its hard and I'm not dealing with it very well.

But, my kids need me and I will do what I have to do to be there for both of them.

Here's a little video

I really hope this works. If so, here is a video of my waaaaaaay to big little girl and her funny little crawling style!